Most of us have flirted with someone in one way or other. Flirting is a fun thing. More often than not, we are not fully aware of our needs at the time, but flirting is a way of meeting our needs. Flirting could also pose problems especially when it involves colleagues, friends or people we meet in social situations. The question is, is flirting healthy, and if so, under what conditions?
When we flirt, we are sending out feelers to find how the other person perceives you and responds. You might also want to find if the other person and is willing to give you what you want. It is quite likely that you don’t have any serious intentions, and all you are looking for might be just a smile, a laugh or an ego stroke. It might also be that flirting keeps you amused and feeling alive.
As long as you are not violating the mutually agreed limits with your partner (if you are in a committed relationship), flirting can be healthy and fun. Another important parameter is that you do not cross the boundaries the person you are flirting with sets.
Let us also examine the difference between flirting and being just friends.
When you are being friendly, you do not have any sexual agenda involving the other person. The intention is to connect with them without your personal needs coming into the picture. But in flirting, there is some kind of need involved. You want the other person to fulfill it.
If you have a tendency to flirt in spite of being in a committed relationship and it has posed difficulties for you, ask yourself these questions:
Do I have unfulfilled needs and desires within me?
Is my committed relationship taking care of all my wants, needs, desires and interests?
If not, are there other ways in which I can fulfill those needs?
How do I feel when I am flirting, and what am I looking to gain from it?
If you are in a committed relationship and the flirtatious behavior of either you or your partner is causing problems between you like emotional distancing, look at it as an opportunity. Try to assess if the relationship is meeting the needs of both the partners.
Flirting is good when you are looking to build passion, mystery, and intrigue in your relationship. For a change, try flirting with your committed partner and see how it revives the magic of the early days!